Why?
by Shizaya1398
Summary: A very angst one-shot of Roppi and Tsuki/requested by someone in a review for "Afraid to be alone"/angst/hurt/comfort/fluffy/cute at the end/


"_Why….Why am I alive? Why the hell…was I ever even born?" _The raven thought as his back pressed against the alley wall, his eyelids dropped down slightly over those red orbs of his as he watched the small water droplets fall from the ends of his hair. His entire body was shaking violently as the cold winter wind whipped at his form, freezing his soaking wet clothes to his skinny body.

"_This pain…why won't it just leave me alone… Just let me wither up and die…please just let me…" _Roppi thought to himself as he continued to shake from the cold…and from the pain of his sadness…his ongoing depression. He let his gaze slowly move away from the ground and up to the blackened sky, fat drops of water fell on his pale, drained looking face and mixed with the warm tears that lingered on his cheeks.

"_What's the point in trying to swallow this pain anymore? Numbing It will only make me feel worse when later…and it really has…made me feel worthless…pathetic…" _More tears rolled down Roppi's cheeks and mixed with the dirty rain water as they fell from the edge of his face. He let out slow, shaky breaths as he continued to let the hurt filled thoughts echo in his mind.

"_Why….Why dammit why…?" _ His gaze slowly fell back to staring at the puddle ground as more tears were released; Roppi…had finally given up. His mental strength had finally given out; he had gone on all his life trying to be happy…all he did was try and try…but nothing ever worked.

Even people around him tried everything they could to help him; his older brothers Psyche and Hibiya would always visit him, to see how he was doing and how he was feeling. Of course he used a fake smile and said he was fine…he didn't want to show them how broken and injured he really was inside…how pathetic he was…Even his cousin Izaya tried helping, giving him addresses and numbers to therapists and hospitals he thought would be able to help him. Roppi never went though; he hated asking for help, especially from strangers.

Soon enough, with the fake smiles and fake promises, his brothers and cousin had stopped visiting…stopped calling. They had moved on, thinking he was fine, thinking that…he wasn't dying from the inside out. But really…how _could_ he tell them all this pain he was in? How could he explain what he hardly understood himself? The serious mental pain that ate away at his stamina, his will to go on, even his ability to form a reason to get up in the morning. He just couldn't tell them, he didn't want to burden them...he just…didn't want to leach off their lives anymore. He didn't want to drag them down with him, making them worry sick about him.

Roppi pulled his knees towards his chest and wrapped his arms around them, before letting his head fall hard into them. The only words echoing in his skull were how pathetic he was being…how worthless he was…how he didn't deserve to live…didn't deserve the comfort…the_ sympathy_ of others.

"_How pathetic…actually feeling sorry for myself…what a horrible person I am…__**Horrible.**__**Pathetic.**__**Worthless**__.__** Disgusting**__. __**Ugly**__. __**Stupid**__…."_ The raven was abruptly pulled out of his thoughts when he felt the rain suddenly stop over him; he squinted in the darkness to see an umbrella had been placed over him and an outstretched hand was put before him.

"A-are you alright?" Hachimenroppi heard a familiar voice say, he hesitated before taking the warm hand into his ice cold one. He swayed a bit as he was pulled up into a standing position, once he was able to get a good look at the person's face he was able to recognize him in an instant. It was Tsugaru and Delic's younger brother Tsukishima; he had met the young blonde a few times when his brothers had brought alone their boyfriends when they visited him. Obviously Tsugaru and Delic didn't like to leave the younger brother alone since he was a very…clumsy person; they just didn't want him to accidentally get hurt while they were out, so they brought him along with them.

Roppi and Tsuki had met on a few occasions, one of which was the night Hachimenroppi tired to hang himself. He was just about to step of the chair and end his life when his brother Psyche had come in unexpectedly for a visit; he had brought Tsugaru with him who was able to tackle Roppi to the ground before he could commit the deed. After that day, someone was always by Roppi's side, day and night. Delic and Hibiya would watch him during the day since their jobs were at night, and Tsugaru, Psyche and Tsukishima would watch him at night. Usually Psyche and Tsugaru would pass out towards the wee hours of the morning, but Tsuki was always able to stay up late with Roppi.

He had to admit, he actually enjoyed the clumsy blonde's company. The innocence and ignorance that radiated off the male was very enjoyable to be around, well, to Roppi it felt that way. Sometimes when Tsuki '_babysat' _him, and his brother and boyfriend had fallen asleep, the two would talk for hours into the morning. Sometimes about Roppi's depression, and sometimes about Tsukishima's work; he was aware the blonde would usually get lost on his messenger routes so he looked online and wrote down a few tips and shortcuts to help him get around. He wouldn't usually be so kind as to do these things, but Tsuki was different…in a way…when Tsukishima was around; he did feel a slight bit happier.

"R-Roppi-san? Is that y-you?" Tsukishima asked in his usual quiet tone as he moved in closer towards the smaller figure, Roppi just looked up at the blonde with those dull red eyes of his, not saying a word. He flinched when he suddenly felt the blonde's warm hand on his cheek; his thumb gently wiping away one of the tears that had slipped away from his eyes.

"You're s-so cold, and yo-you're soaking wet!" Tsukishima gasped as he felt how freezing the other male was; Roppi gently took the man's hand away from his face and let it fall to his side.

"Go home Tsukishima…just leave me alone." Roppi said over the sound of the rain as he let his back press against the brick wall again; he slumped against it as he stared down at his feet, not wanting to look at the worried expression that crossed the taller male's face. Tsukishima was shocked Roppi used his full name; he had always called him '_Tsuki_' or '_Tsuki-san'_, never by his full name…He moved in closer towards the raven and moved the umbrella over his shivering body again.

"Roppi-san…please l-let me take you home, you l-look so pale and cold…p-please Roppi-san…" The blonde said a little louder as he stared at the bent over brunet; a small, almost creepy like smile spread across Hachimenroppi's face at the blonde's stuttered words.

"Tsuki-san…do you know what it feels like, to feel so alone?...To wake up every day…and wish you hadn't? I'm such a horrible person Tsuki-san; I don't deserve your sympathy, kindness, or friendship. You're too good of a person…to be hanging around someone as pathetic as me…I don't want to drag you down through the mud with me, I don't want to destroy you…like I already am…I'm worthless Tsuki-san, my life is worthless, my life has no meaning…I'm just a waste of space…" Roppi said slowly, his words cutting like newly sharpened knives into the blonde. His lips trembled slightly as the umbrella dropped from his grip, letting it fall to the ground and be blown away by the harsh wind that pushed against them; Roppi swayed a bit at the wind while Tsuki stayed like a statue against it. It took a moment for Tsukishima to gather his thoughts, and move in front of the smaller male.

"Roppi-san…look a-at me…"Tsuki said, loud enough so the brunet would hear him. Hachimenroppi sighed and slowly looked up at the blonde, his eyes widening in shock at the look he had in his eyes. A small squeak came from the shorter man as he was suddenly pulled into a tight hug; he instantly felt the warmth of the other as he was cuddled and hugged comfortingly.

"Tsuki…" Roppi whispered as his head was pressed against his chest, the sound of the blonde's fluttering heartbeat was the only thing he was able to hear now, not even the rain could penetrate the sound of that sweet, love filled heartbeat.

"I don't t-think you're a horrible person R-Roppi-san… you are a very good p-person, a very _v-very_ good person…who just had h-horrible things happened to…I _d-do_ know what it feels like…to feel the way you are feeling…E-Everyone, even my brother's treat me like I'm some k-kind of idiot, like I can't take care of myself just b-because I'm a bit forgetful, and I get lost e-easily…you're the only person who h-has ever treated me like I'm j-just another regular person. T-They even talk to me like I won't un-understand what they're saying, but when I talk w-with you…It's different…when I talk with you I'm always h-happy. Even if we don't talk, and just sit together and enjoy each other's co-company, I'm happy. You give _my_ life meaning, I don't think I could s-stay sane…without you…" Tsukishima said, holding the brunet closer as he nuzzled his head gently against Roppi's. Hachimenroppi was shocked by the blonde's words…he knew Tsukishima cared about him but…he never knew he cared _this_ much. Roppi wrapped his shaking arms around the man's waist and hugged him back tightly, not wanting to ever let go of the comforting body in front of him.

Tsukishima pulled away slightly before leaning down and pressing a soft kiss against the brunet's cheek; a small smile spread across the brunet's face at the feeling of those warm, velvet like lips against his cold skin.

"I r-really…l-love you Roppi-san." Tsukishima said as he pressed another soft kiss against the brunet's trembling lips. Hachimenroppi looked up at the tall blonde and smiled…for the first time in a long time, he had actually smiled.

"I love you to Tsuki, very much…could you take me home now though? I'm freezing." Roppi said as he moved his body closer to the one in front of him for warmth; a smile spread across Tsukishima's face as he un-wrapped the scarf he had on and wrapped it carefully around Roppi. He reached down and took the raven's cold hand into his warm one before he led them out of the alleyway; Roppi couldn't help but laugh a bit at how Tsuki started to look left and right, trying to remember which way his home was.

"Maybe_ I_ should lead the way." The smaller male laughed as he turned right with the blonde and started walking in the direction of his apartment.

"When we get home you can help me warm back up." Roppi said as he tilted his head up and kissed the side of the taller male's neck; Tsuki blushed cherry red at the man's words, and the sweet kiss that followed.

"O-Of course Roppi-san, I'll make you s-some of my special hot chocolate! That'll warm you right up." Tsukishima said happily, the brunet just grinned and gripped the blonde's hand tighter. Knowing he was going to have to explain to the ignorant blonde what he really meant when they got home…or just _show_ him what he meant~

* * *

**Author's Note: So someone requested that I do a story like the one I did called "Afraid to be alone" but with Hachimenroppi and Tsukishima. I hope you liked it, this one-shot was one of my favorites that I have written so far. I was able to add some quotes in some parts of the story to really emphasize how depressed Roppi was, then how he was able to be pulled out of it by Tsukishima's love for him. Sorry I couldn't make this really long like my original "Afraid to be alone" story but I thought ending it here was really cute. I hope you all liked that little mention of smut at the end~ I thought since you guys went through reading all the angst and fluff, you deserved a little treat at the end~ Maybe I'll make a sequel/epilogue of it where they actually have some fun in bed together~ Well anyway please review, favorite, and alert incase I decide to add that chapter~ **


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